Depressed

So just to warn you this isn't a happy post. I just need to get a little out.

We got back from Utah last night around 11:15. Tuesday as soon as I'm done with dinner I get sick, so basically I'm up all night throwing up and being other forms of sick. And then dj gets sick around 3 am and I do my very best to help him and take care of him. Much to my dismay I have to call my work and tell them that I won't be back on Thursday because we're too sick from the flu or food poisoning to take a shower let alone drive 13.5 hours back to California. I didn't phrase it that way though....
So we left Thursday morning and let's just say that I was car sick for about 85% of those 13.5 hours. I couldn't do anything but stare out the window or cover my face and lay on top of the kitchaid box feeling like I was going to never feel better again. So by the end of the drive I'm ticked off and I'm ready to run screaming into the night. I'll be honest I shouldn't be angry about most of the stuff I was but I've been feeling pretty crummy lately even though that isn't an excuse. So I'm running around trying to grab all my stuff for work the next morning, because lucky me gets to go to work at 8 am, and I don't want to bother dj and his uncle while they get to sleep in because dj isn't going to go into work, which I'm kind of miffed about. As I'm running around grabbing stuff and making sure Grant's bed is more comfortable dj is lying on the bed and just keeps asking what's wrong and I keep telling him I don't feel good. And then finally when I can stop and go to bed I get pissed because all I want to do is kiss my husband and talk to him as we say good night (instead he's talking to his uncle, he didn't even say goodnight or that he loved me, he did eventually after he heard me sniffling under my pillow), all I wanted to do was not have someone sleeping two feet from us, all I wanted was to not have to sleep in a bra. And at the end of all things dj isn't even going to get up and shower with me or take me to work, he's going to sleep in and hang out with his uncle. And then after working 8 hours I'll probably have to come home and make dinner and clean up and I probably won't get any alone time with my husband until Tuesday because I have no idea how long Grant is staying and even though I want nothing more than to ask his uncle to please go home I can't bring myself to do that.

I'm so so sorry to dump this on who ever is reading but I have no one to talk to, I'm feeling unbelievably isolated here in my tiny apartment. And all I want to do is cry like a little kid because I still don't feel good and I'm feel very under appreciated and I feel like I haven't had much time with my best friend and I'm trying my hardest to not feel negativity towards him (it's obviously not working 100%....) Pray for me please, I'm in high need of it right now.

Saturday....

There's nothing better than cuddling with your best friend and listening to their heart beat when you know it's the last time you'll get to do it for what seems like forever.

Saturday Morning

I have had a rough week. You know those weeks ladies? The ones where you feel like jumping off a bridge to feel better? Yeah add to that a cold and I've been pretty miserable all week long. Good thing about this past week though was that it was Poly's finals week which means that Dj is done with school until January! Yay! We went out to sushi last night to celebrate, unfortunately I could barely eat my yummy sushi because my throat hurt so bad, it was still fun to be downtown with my best friend after a really hard week of work. I woke up this morning feel a little better though, my throat doesn't hurt as much and my nose isn't out of control. So I decided to practice our Christmas gifts to Dj's family.

So my bow tying skills obviously need strengthening but to be fair that ribbon, though pretty, is not easy to tie into a bow. It was so fun and I know the tag is all boring but I didn't feel like dolling it up, this is just a trial one to see how it worked and what we might do. A lot of people who reviewed the recipe I was using said the ingredients didn't all fit but I beg to differ! I think it looks pretty cool actually and I'm glad that we decided to make these, though 'takey' as gifts in some online opinions that I've seen I think these things are awesome, all you have to do is add 3 ingredients and you have amazing cookie dough! A little more work and you have delicious baked cookies. Hopefully the in-laws like them, but if not, heck, they don't have to keep them, I'll take them home and bake them myself. (Oh yeah and Kayde, there will be one here in SLO with your name on it when you come down for Christmas, sorry to spoil it)

And here's our lovely little tree. It's basically the same as last year except we're letting it breathe a little more than we did last Christmas, next year I'm getting new ornaments I think. And taking more time to put the lights on, I rushed it a lot so it looks all sloppy. Who knows maybe we'll have a bigger tree next year.
I'm trying to be very optimistic for our Christmas in Utah and despite all the stuff we have to do to get ready for our trip and all the stuff I'm nervous about. Dj leaves in exactly a week ahh!, I just remembered this morning that I have to 'future pack' it's weird I'm basically packing a week ahead of time and I'm usually one of those last minute packers so it's going to feel strange.
The two things I'm looking forward to most is going to the temple and going back to the place where my husband proposed to me. I'm going to make the best of it, even the negative parts, and hopefully we survive this week!

Ugly Sweater Party

I'm nearly at my 90 days at my job! I can't believe it's gone by so fast and I've had such a pleasant experience. I've gotten compliments from many people about how well I've been doing and how much they enjoy having me be part of the crew and it's very humbling and eye opening to how demeaning my previous job was. I'm grateful Heavenly Father blessed our family so much by giving me this opportunity. They're very fun too. Like this past Monday they had a tree decorating ceremony in both of our lobbies. The H.R. folks made us cookies and brought in cider and hot chocolate and we were able to help decorate the tree, everyone who participated thought it was so much fun, I guess it was the first year they had done it. And another first for them is that they're having an Ugly Sweater Party for the Holiday/Christmas party this year. It should be fun, especially since I ordered this beauty for a mere 10$:


Yeah, that's right it's an ugly sweater shirt! I'm pretty excited because unlike the usual sweater you can wear this the rest of the year around the house. And maybe even to the grocery store if I'm brave enough.... And I have a green non-ugly sweater that I'll wear underneath to make it look even more Christmasy!
So this wednesday I have a RS Christmas party, last night we had Dj's work party, 12/16 is my work party (during work hours, I get paid to eat food I didn't buy and celebrate Christmas, sweetest deal ever!), and that night is the ward Christmas party. Lots o' celebrating! I'm trying to stay busy and not think about the 5 days I'll be without my best friend, I cried about it for the first time last night so I know it'll be hard for me. And Dj said that his family will probably hate him by the end of those 5 days because he'll be mopey all week. (I'm secretly happy about that. I kind of want them to know how miserable being away from each other makes us and they will never ask for us to do that again.) I don't think they realize how much of a sacrifice this is for me. I feel selfish thinking about it that way but I know that I'm pretty justified in my way of thinking.
Last thing I'm excited that I wanted to share is that we're making the gifts that we're giving to his family. Since there will be 9 of them we thought it would more cost effective to do the same homemade gift for everyone. So in the end we'll probably spend about 40-50 on all of them instead of 100. Not great but fun. And I'm pretty sure none of my in-laws know that I have this blog so I'm not too worried about them stumbling upon it and 'spoiling' their gifts (not that it matters, we're not even wrapping them, they'll know as soon as we take them out of the trunk.). We're making chocolate chip oatmeal mixes, you know the ones they layer in those big mason jars and all you have to do is add the wet stuff and bake them? I tried out the recipe on Saturday and they were pretty amazing! We're also making some truffles, a traditional one from Brazil that's all chocolate, and then some peanut butter and raspberry ones. I'm hoping they turn out, they should be fun! Can't wait to make them next week! And I can't wait to put our Christmas tree up tonight, I'll have to take a picture of it even though it'll probably look the same as last year....