It never stops.

Life has been handing us lemons lately. On Friday on my way home from work the car breaks down in the middle of the road. Yeah, I pull up to the stop light and when it turns green my car won't move despite having my foot all the way down on the gas. Well to put a very long and stressful story short. I called 911 (because I didn't know who else to call at that point) they dispatched a tow company to get me stat and then luckily a nice stranger pushed me into a bike/turn lane so I wasn't blocking as much traffic and people who couldn't didn't have the eye sight to see my hazard lights wouldn't keep honking at me. I also had this wonderful girl, probably no older than 18 pull over and check and make sure I was okay and see if I needed to be taken anywhere. It was so sweet, I could have hugged her I was so emotional and stressed out. She said she could imagine what it was like and she would hope somebody would pull over for her. I thanked her and thanked her as the tow truck drove up and I couldn't believe two perfect strangers could be so nice and caring when I had been yelled at by 3 angry patients just hours before. Where ever they are right now I hope they get some extra blessings poured over them for being so sweet and kind to the girl on the side of the rode who looked like a wreck. Thank you!

So now we are guessing our poor car won't make it back from the shop. It's probably the transmission and it is not even close to being worth the money to fix it. Dj got very discouraged as he looked at cars both new and used last night because it looks like we'll just have to go sans car for awhile until we have the money to actually use on a down payment. Which will be possible it's just not ideal, with me not feeling good lately (and no I'm not pregnant!!) and starting school in January, where I have to have a car....it's just ridiculous.

Anyways lets talk about something happier. I made a pumpkin cheesecake last night! It cracked unfortunately but only a little bit and it smelled really good so I'm hoping that it turns out yummy and that despite the issues I had with the crust it will actually be good. We also helped out at Pumpkins on the Pier yesterday morning. A service project through the Institute where we help the city of Pismo put on a little carnival for halloween, run the booths and the bounce houses, welcome the families, and judge the costume contest. It was really gorgeous out at the beach yesterday and I even got to see dolphins swim by the pier. My face got sunburned and that made the rest of the day a little miserable but it was fun to run around and make sure all the volunteers had water and snacks and enough prizes for the games.

What's going to be really fun is us riding our motorcycle to church this morning. And going to Brad and Shanyn's for dinner to share our cheesecake with. Dj finished his most important homework so we'll be able to just relax and kind of enjoy the day which I'm looking forward to a whole lot.

Saving a Weekend

The plans that we had made for the weekend fell through sadly. I was so excited to get off work on Friday and head to Madera to spend the weekend with the Moses. But on our way out of Paso our car started making a really bad sound so we pulled over and popped the hood under a lamp post near a vineyard (only in Paso can you take just about any given turn off the freeway and hit a vineyard) to see if anything looked weird (not that we really knew what we were looking for). We both got the feeling we shouldn't drive the car all the way to Madera so we sadly turned around and went home. Dj knew how disappointed I was so when we got home we played a game, LIFE, and he made me laugh and I wasn't as sad when I went to bed. Yesterday morning was hard though because I had been excited to go to the temple with Kayde and Orion and even though there was a stake temple day in LA that we could have caught a last minute ride to we decided we shouldn't spend the gas/food money and that we'd just wait to go to the temple until our Utah trip at Christmas time.

So I decided that I'd go to a baby shower that I hadn't planned on going on because going out of town, it would be fun and it would help keep me from moping around the house. I'm really glad that I did too because the girl who it was for has had a really hard pregnancy, I visited her during her stay in the hospital, and sometimes I feel like people judge her and don't give her a real chance to get to know her, I'm not really sure why, just a feeling. So I went and I actually got to hang out with some sisters from my ward so I think I made some actual friends, who knew right? And the girl really thanked me for coming and for visiting her during her time in the hospital, I could hear the gratefulness in her voice and when I got home and was telling dj about it he told me he was really glad I went, he felt really good about it. And then we decided to actually have date night. Like real date night! Which we haven't had for about two months because we've both been so busy. So we used some free movie tickets that we got from donating blood and saw The Three Musketeers in 3D. We hadn't heard of the movie before and we didn't know anything more about it except what we watched in the trailer like an hour before we went. (another plus is that we got to keep the 3D glasses, which will be part of our Halloween costumes, pics will come later). And then dj said we could go out somewhere nice for dinner (now our idea of nice is spending more than 20 bucks on dinner for the both of us) so we decided, since it was really busy downtown we'd just go to Applebee's. It was nice to just sit there and talk and (watch college football of course) enjoy eating together without dj having to rush so he could get back to his homework. We were lying in bed talking last night and saying how even though our plans had changed we had made the best of it and that I had done a really good job of not being depressed about it. We also talked about how we missed each other, we'll go an entire week without having any time to talk or hang out after work/school. All our talking is done in the morning getting ready together and then for just a few minutes while we're eating dinner.

So who knows what's wrong with the car, by the end of the day yesterday it was starting to make a few small noises but nothing as serious as Friday. Who knows why we felt like we shouldn't go to Madera, I don't know why things happen the way they do sometimes. But I know I'll get to get my Moses fix this week because they're coming to visit SLO this week for Kayde's birthday and a little vacation. And despite the weekend working out the way that it did I'm glad that I got to spend some quality time with my best friend, we needed it, and it'll help fortify us against the next few weeks of work that he has.

 Happy Sunday!

Mouser

So I get up this morning and after surfing the net for a little decide it's late enough to do some dishes. So I turn the kitchen light on and turn the water on hot. Low and behold a mouse shoots from one corner of the counter, past the sink, behind the microwave, and into the stove! I know I scared the little guy but boy I just about had a heart attack. I'm glad I'm not a screamer or anything, I just kind of say "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh" over and over in a slightly quickened voice. Luckily it was late enough in the morning that dj was kind of awake so I hurry over to him and I'm squirming and he keeps asking me what's wrong. I'm finally like "There's a mouse in our kitchen!" And I ramble about how it's in the stove top, it ducked under one of the stove top coils and into the in between area.

And I haven't seen the little bugger since....so I'm not really sure what to do. Any ideas besides poison or trying to scare him outside? (both dj's ideas btw, both of which I'm not a fan of)

Maybe I should name him....

In My Cube

So I wanted to share something that I thought up yesterday that I have written on a post-it and now proudly display in my cubical at work.

Remember why I'm here

Remember who I am

Remember what I'm made of

And remember what my goals are

(And that dj loves me lots!)

I'm going to use it as a kind of personal motto. It can be used an many ways and go along with lots of different aspects of life, here are the ones that I need to remember while at work.

So why am I at work? To provide for my family and make it easier for dj to focus on his schooling.
Who am I? I am a daughter of Heavenly Father, who loves me and who will support me no matter what. With God all things are possible and I am important!
What am I made of? I'm made of determination, compassion, a solid faith in God and Christ, stubbornness, inner strength, and power that I haven't yet discovered.
What are my goals? I often think of 'our' goals with this one, I get discouraged a lot because I don't like having to work so much. I lose sight of the end goal of me working: get dj through school and making life for us better. I think a large part of it is that in order for us to have our goal of a happy and successful marriage also hinges on my being supportive of his dreams and making his personal goals my personal goals as well.
And that last one is obvious, who doesn't like seeing a constant reminder in writing that their husband loves them?!

I'm trying really hard to have an eternal perspective. I had a really good eternal perspective day today. Hopefully this little saying will help me keep that perspective a little more often than I have.

Busy Times A Comin'

So I'm officially announcing that I'm going back to school!

I went to a fireside last night that talked about a program BYU-i is doing called Pathways. I'll take a year of courses (15 credits) and if I finish with a B average I can transfer to BYU-i's online studies program. From there I'll be able to either get a certificate, go on to get an Associates, or all the way to a Bachelors degree. I can do it at my own pace and I'll be getting discounted tuition because of a deal that Pathways has with the University and I won't even have to buy books the first year, everything is online and free. I was really inspired by the fireside last night, it was basically just an informational meeting but he used the spirit to teach and testify about how he had been helped and seen people be helped by this program.

To be honest I'm pretty terrified! I pretty much hate working 40 hours a week and I worry that I won't be able to handle working that much and taking classes. Though I'm grateful that one of the 2 classes I'll be taking is a religion course because, not to say it'll be downright easy, I just think I'm already kind of prepared for a class on the Book of Mormon and such. I really do think that this will be a good thing, the moment Dj brought the info home to me from Brother Abbott (our institute director) I kind of got that positive feeling about it. And even though I'm scared the brother who presented the info last night said that we didn't have to worry, that this program was created to prepare people so that they could succeed in a college setting. I feel blessed that Santa Maria was chosen as one of the few places that will have this program and I'm excited (albeit anxious) to start in January.

I never thought I'd be the person who would be working full time and going to school part time, I told Dj last night that if I can get through this first year successfully I will feel so proud of myself. Because like President Uchtdorf said "Education isn't just a good idea....it's a commandment."

Torture

I've learned something valuable this morning during the long hours of insomnia I've been experiencing lately.

I torture myself. You know why? Because I pick random cities around the country and look on craigslist to see what kind of rentals they have. I almost want to cry when I see that we could live in a 2 or 3 bedroom home for like a $100-200 more than we're paying now for our studio. We could live like royalty if we made what we do now and lived in one of these other places.

Just something to point out.

And now I'm off to go continue my self inflicted pain.

In-laws

So I have kind of exciting news. I got the time off I requested for Christmas time! It's pretty exciting actually because even though I'm not 100% stoked about going to Utah I didn't want to spend Christmas away from Dj. Even though we were pretty sure that I would get the time off I was already trying to hammer out the plan if for some reason I didn't get it. My brain was like okay, "I can do Christmas alone, it's alright, it's just another day, Dj and I can celebrate it later when he gets home and that will be our Christmas." Not to say I don't think Christmas isn't an important day, but because of my Dad always having to work on Holidays when I was older I've come to understand that it isn't the day itself that is important but it's the reason you are celebrating and the people you are with.
So here I was, telling Dj that okay, you can drive out with your Uncle like we had originally planned and you guys can just come back a little earlier, if we can afford it I'll fly out Friday night after work and fly back home Monday morning so I can be back in time for work on Tuesday morning. (If you know anything about my spazzy side (which not many do) it's that I'm one of those people who kind of plan for the worst so I try and consider the options and make them ahead of time so that if things don't work out I'm not too disappointed. It's good sometimes. Other times it just causes me unnecessary worry.) If we can't afford it it's alright, I'll be fine, talk to you every day on the phone and I'll just find things to occupy my time. It's funny, I had prepared so well for it that I'm almost like, "What? I actually get to spend Christmas day with my husband?!"
Now don't think that Dj is a bad husband or anything, every time I mentioned him driving out and me not being able to fly out he said no, no, no. But honestly, I kind of feel a lot of pressure to make sure that Dj is in Utah for the holidays this year because it's going to be the first time that the Waldrons (which consist of Dj, his parents and siblings, his dad's siblings and parents, and me I guess (though I'm sure I'm probably a little bit of an afterthought sadly)) would be together for Christmas in years. My main reason for fighting Dj so hard on making sure he went, even without me, was because I don't want any other reason for his family to think negatively of the girl who stole their first born away from them. Along with the fact that if Dj doesn't drive with Grant his uncle, Grant wouldn't be able to go....more pressure? yeah....
It's kind of weird that I think these things about my in-laws too. It's not that they have been mean to me or anything like that. Well his sister is rude to everyone and I think because I'm trying so hard to 'fit in' I take it personally and it kind of hurts. But I know that they like me (hope at least right?) they're nice and they're interested in my job and my parents and stuff. I think though that because I remember how 'against' marriage they were (not marriage to me in particular) but for Dj, they really just wanted him to finish school before getting married and I hear the things they say about having kids before he's done and I feel like if we decide to have kids sooner than that they aren't going to be happy for us and they might say something like "told you so".
(My in-laws really aren't horrible I promise! I just need to express how I feel a little bit because I've been thinking about it a lot lately.)
And even though we haven't had a lot of time to spend time with them but the times that I have spent time with more than just his uncle or parents, I feel very alone. The Twidwells are quiet, kinda subdued, and really kind of just relaxed about things "what do you guys want to do? I don't know what do you guys want to do?" kind of thing. And Waldrons are boisterous, opinionated, and kind of rude to each other in a family way. I feel like I get lost in the shuffle because they have to be louder than each other and faster, kind of like a fend-for-yourself, weakest gets left behind kind of thing.

I know a lot of my anxiety comes from the general anxiousness I feel in new situations and the fact that I've never really been in the situation of being thrust into a family before. My cousins and their families? I'm blood and I've known them all for years and years. Friends? Well you naturally gravitate to people you share interests with and those who you wouldn't mesh well with you all kind of go your separate ways without too much whatever and that's it. I'm nervous to spend Christmas in a house full of people I'm not entirely comfortable around. I'm nervous to tell them that I have to cut the planned two weeks of Christmas time with everyone down a bit so I can get back to work. And frankly I'm nervous that his sister might just shoot me in one of her rages. Yeah, I feel safer around my alcoholic, drug addicted, could kill me with his left hand, known to be a little violent at times, brother....hmmm....I think I just scared myself even more....

Anyways, if you're still reading this, thanks for listening to me vent, sometimes I really just feel like I need to get things out and now that I've discovered this blog thing it's nice to be able to do that.